The last time I put cabbage on my boobs was 7 years ago.
“What?” you uninitiated ask. “Cabbage ON your boobs? Why, for the love of god and all that is holy, would you put a food item . . . especially a winter vegetable . . . on your boobs? But while we are on this topic, what kind of cabbage did you put on your boobs? Napa, purple, shredded, pickled, stuffed?”
Well, you lovely mamas out there who were lucky enough to give birth in Germany circa 2005 (and you know who you are), remember that green cabbage leaves are used to cool and calm the engorged breast(s). Fanceeeeee, right?
Well, add to that the schmeering of quark (think sour cream and yogurt) on the boobs and voilà: Boob Salad.
For the record, I, like Amanda Peet, used this ‘trick’ but still question why in the heck I did it because . . . cabbage on a boob does not a less engorged breast make.